Common Sense Dating Tips

Whether your meeting for the first time after connecting online or meeting for a first date after meeting in the real world, there are certain things you can do to make the experience better. Most of my tips will probably seem obvious, but it never ceases to amaze me how many times people aren't aware of the things that they are doing to sabotage a new relationship. The following tips may make more sense after a couple of dates, but there's no reason they shouldn't be followed on all dates, since you never know where the night or day may take you.

First and most important is keep your word, if you make plans show up on time and don't flake out or bail. Remember that everyone values their own time and be conscientious of that, their time may not matter to you, but it matters to them. You don't have to check in 100 times prior to the date, but with technology the way it is, sending a text the morning of the date just to say hi is probably a good idea. If the other person is worried you might flake it will give them the opportunity to confirm the date. Another trick to confirm would be to say "hi, I look forward to meeting up with you tonight," this way it confirms the date without coming of as insecure by asking if you are still on for tonight which seems to be pretty common especially for women, but make sure you send the text well in advance and not 30 minutes before you are supposed to meet. I have had women cancel on me solely because I didn't text them the day of the date, it seems ridiculous to me, but it only takes 30 seconds to send a text and if that's what they need, then it won't kill you to do it. To the women out there, if you are concerned your date isn't going to show up, then text them and confirm don't bail on them just because they didn't text you 100 times during the day of the date, we are all busy and have lives, not everyone is going to flake just because you haven't heard from them. With that being said it is common courtesy to let your date know if you are on your way and if you are going to be late, at the very least it may prevent them from holding it against you later.

For the guys, have a plan for the date. Most women want a guy to take charge, but often they won't volunteer many options, so don't be afraid to ask. It doesn't have to be the nicest restaurant in town, but ask your date what they like and don't like and pick a place that will give them plenty of good options. Make sure it's public and somewhere that you can carry on a conversation, not a movie theater or somewhere loud where you have to shout to hear each other. Studies have shown that doing an activity together can increase levels of hormones that boost attraction, so consider doing something active, but nothing too crazy early on until you know what your date is interested in. Not everyone wants to go the boxing gym, climb a rock wall or go for a hike, but it could be as simple as going somewhere to shoot pool.

For the ladies, help us out a little bit. Tell us what kind of food and activities you like or if you have been craving a burger tell us that, it's not easy to plan the perfect date when a guy has nothing to go off of. You can't expect us to impress you if we don't have any idea what you like. If there are things you absolutely don't like or places you don't want to go, then let us know in advance, as much as you wish we could, we can't read your mind. 

Always practice good hygiene, brush your teeth, comb/style your hair, wear clean clothes and for the love of god wash your ass when you take a shower. There is no bigger turn off then bad breathe and foul odors coming from down below. Porn stars know to take showers and wash everything before a scene as a common courtesy, so why can't you? If there is any chance you may end up in the bedroom make sure you have washed thoroughly. If during the date or after your shower you have to head to the bathroom and do anything other than pee, then take a shower again. A bad experience in the bedroom is a sure fire way to make sure you never get another chance to do it again and this goes for guys and girls. If your hair is greasy or sloppy and your clothes are dirty or covered in pet hair it will appear that you don't value the other person enough to take the time to be your best.

Clean your car especially if you are riding together and make sure your place is clean if your date may end up coming over. Some employers have started sending someone out to your car during an interview to look in your car and see if it is clean. Being a slob is not a turn on, nor is it a quality that anyone spending time with you finds appealing. Make your bed, wash and put away dirty dishes, sweep the floor and pick up. Your house doesn't have to spotless, but at least make an effort.

Be a good conversationalist and don't monopolize the conversation. Listen and pay attention to your date, good conversation requires back and forth, so take a breath and give them a chance to reply when you are talking. Sometimes the other person isn't engaged, if you are paying attention you should be aware when that happens and consider changing the subject. A good trick is to read a book and be aware of current events, that way you always have something to talk about. Avoid topics that are controversial on the first couple of dates and try not to ever insult your date. If they are telling you about their job or something they love don't make fun of it or trivialize it. If you feel like you are doing all the talking, stop and ask an open ended question and try to engage your date. If things go well you will always have other opportunities to tell them all of your best stories and all about yourself, it's not an interview it's supposed to be fun and exciting. Always leave them wanting more, don't try to cover every topic you can think of.

Think before you speak, once it's out of your mouth it's hard to take it back and when you are trying to get another date the last thing you want to do is offend your date. They probably won't say anything if you do, but when they stop replying to your date requests, it will be too late. Word vomiting is normal when you are nervous, so it's better to just stop if you are and consider what you are going to say instead of just trying to fill the void. If your lucky they will step in and pick up where you left off. Be careful where you lead the conversation, don't make comments that would be considered racist or offensive based on assumptions. Once you get to know your date, you should know them well enough to know what is safe and what isn't. Also, be careful not to let them suck you into a topic that is controversial until you know their feelings on the matter. If it's about race, religion, or politics tread with caution

Sometimes no amount of preparation or effort will overcame a lack of attraction and there isn't much you can do about that, but make sure you give yourself a chance. Additionally there is nothing wrong with letting your date know that your not feeling it or that you just see them as a friend. This goes back to the value of your own time issue, don't waste someones time just because your are bored or too spineless to be honest. If you don't feel comfortable doing it in person, text them after the date to let them know. We are all just trying to find someone we connect with and potentially result in a relationship, so don't be selfish and only think about yourself and ghosting someone is not cool even if you think it is easier for you. Most singles would just like a simple explanation and closure. If things aren't working out, even if you aren't going to be completely honest because you don't want to hurt anyone's feelings, at least tell them something. Also, don't say you want to be friends, if you don't, it will only cause both of you more frustration, just say you don't feel a connection. If they persist and won't let it go, then you can ghost them.

For the men and women, don't sleep with everyone you meet just because you can, if you're not interested in a relationship and just want to get laid it's not fair to them or yourself. If that is all you are looking for, then be honest up front and tell them, you might be surprised at how often they are looking for the same thing and it will save you the messy situation of having to let them down later and hurting them. If you are an adult there is nothing wrong with having fun as long as your aren't hurting yourself or anyone else. If you are not yet an adult, understand that sex is a big decision and can impact you in ways you don't even know yet. No matter how old you are though, be careful and respectful, remember that one bad decision could affect you for the rest of your life. 

One last thing for the ladies, because I have heard this from a lot of women over the years. If you sleep with a guy and he disappears, don't just assume he used you and only wanted sex. Take a little responsibility and realize that maybe he didn't enjoy it and doesn't see it going anywhere. Men are visual and physical when it comes to chemistry, while women tend to be more emotionally driven. If the physical connection isn't working for us we will move on, don't just assume men love all sex and only want sex with every women we meet. I have turned down women before and to my amazement they couldn't believe it. One women actually asked me "if I was naked and jumped on you, you're telling me you wouldn't have sex with me?' and she seemed shocked when I said I wouldn't. Don't just assume that every man wants to have sex with you and don't forget that if you take advantage of a good guy he will eventually move on. Women have men hit on them all the time and because of this they sometimes forget that there are plenty of eligible, single women out there looking for a good guy who are lining up to take the guy you took for granted.